Beluga, Cape Town

I haven’t posted in quite some time, however, I feel that after last night it’s time to get back on top of things. I’m still trying to figure out what it is I want to relay first, the negative or the positive? There is definitely, specials aside, more negative aspects.
I have decided to go with the good first, so that I can leave you with a taste of bitterness when you close this window.
So, Beluga is running the most amazing special, and it entails SUSHI. All sushi = half price between 1pm & 7pm, and I mean everything. It is amazing! The sushi is tantalizing and, best of all, cheap! For 22 pieces, during the special, it’ll cost you a mere R75-00. This includes 6 Salmon roses, 6 seared Tuna roses, 5 pieces of Salmon Nigiri, 5 Pieces of seared Tuna Nigiri & 2 California rolls. This is about as good as it gets at Beluga. It is worth going there for the special, no doubt.

Cocktails are also half-priced, not that they know how to make them. We ordered two Mojito’s and for some reason they made it with lemon, mint and Bacardi only. I mean seriously, do you have any idea how disgusting that tastes? It needs some form of sweetness. Yuk, my face is all tweaked out just from thinking about it.

Just thinking of sushi is giving me tummy rumbles, and only because I am hungry.

Now, the negative… OH the negative. Firstly, upon arrival, we were seated at a table without a clean table cloth, of course this is no issue, if they actually change it in due course. Obviously, this never happened, so for an hour or so, I was dining on a table cloth with two impeccable stains on them, they could have represented the second coming of Christ, or they could have represented poor quality service as a result of mis-management and lack of customer care. Who knows? Secondly eating sushi required minimal ‘cutlery’ right? So we got exactly that, chopsticks & two soy bowls. That’s it. No Soy sauce, no serviettes, no nothing. I am amazed they put our sushi on a plate. So we borrowed someSoy Sauce from our neighbouring table and proceeded to eat simplistically. Which was worth it, due to the price we ended up paying for our entire meal (R100 for two).

Claiming to be one of the top restaurants in Cape Town or at least striving to be, they should seriously consider revamping their customer care strategy.

Until next time, which should be soon, if all goes well of course
-S

Technorati Tags: food, sushi, beluga, cape town, dining, gourmet, cocktails

Gainsbourg, Kloof Street.

I think this is a long awaited review, or at least I think so. This place has been on Kloof street for quite some time now, long enough for me to forget what it was before. It is situated right next to Topolino Café, a very old shop run by a grumpy ol’ Portuguese man. If you run in there for a pack of smokes or a coke, be sure to avoid eye contact, he might make you evaporate or turn your liver into stone maybe even make you spontaneously combust. You never know.

Anyway, I decided to wear my slippers (they aren’t uncool) they are rather nice. In fact, they look like shoes. Light brown leather slippers, they have wool inside and keep my feet amazingly warm! I only paid R125.00 for them! Cape Union Mart had a sale last week, they might still have it but stock is running dry so hurry up. If you feel like hearing more about my slippers, be sure to drop me an e-mail and I will tell you all about them.

I cannot remember what the rest of my outfit consisted of, but I am sure it included jeans (or a jeanpant for our Afrikaans readers), a shirt and something very warm.

So it was truly a cold night out and the restaurant decided that it would be a magnificent idea to not close the doors. They, instead, decided to install those canvas tents so as to extend the real estate of the restaurant. We all know that they DO NOT entirely block out the cold, not even with the two industrial sized outdoor heaters they have mounted up against the walls. And the fact that they did not want to feed the fire sufficiently enough to heat up the restaurant effectively also did not really help with the cold.

Anyway, given the atmospherics it was a toss up decision between the seared tuna and the lamb shank. Eventually the lamb shank, mash, roast vegetables and onion sauce won the toss. My lady friend decided to have the Gorgonzola, crispy bacon and walnut pasta.

Here comes the tricky part, we ordered take away so that we could eat at home. The restaurant was a weeee bit cold. The food arrived swiftly though, that is indeed a plus. I think I waited about 15minutes and voila!

So, at home I plated the food and I was a bit let down by the portion of pasta. It was a half-portion in my opinion. On the flipside the portion of lamb shank was overly generous! Priced at R78.00 for the lamb shank and R58.00 for the Pasta, the pasta was over-priced and the lamb was well priced. HOWEVER, they both tasted wonderful! I wouldn’t say the pasta was perfect, but then I am extremely cynical when it comes to eating pasta anywhere but at home. It was overcooked, maybe even precooked which I strongly disagree with. Pasta needs to be fresh, as fresh as possible. TIP: make your own pasta!

Luckily I had the lamb. Everything blended so well, it was truly an amazing dish to have on an icy cold day. I immediately pat myself on the back for not ordering the tuna.

All I can say is that next time you are in the area and you are feeling a bit hungry, Give Gainsbourg a go, you won’t regret it.

Now, my slippers were a bit wet when I got home but 15minutes in front of the fire with a lovely plate of warm food sorted that out. Once again, I urge you to drop me an e-mail with regards to my garments.

Goodbye

-S

Java – Stellenbosch

It being a rainy, lazy and dismal sunday we decided to spend our evening at Java in Stellenbosch.

Let’s keep this brief as I don’t believe they should be given enough time…

The burger is priced at R29, which is fairly cheap if you take things into consideration. So one shouldn’t be expected to be presented with something earth shattering. Well, I can deal with not having an earth shattering burger, but to be presented with a re-heated, pre-fabricated chunk of whatchamacallit is a serious no-no to anyone serious about their burger consumption. For some strange reason many places decided to present their customers with Mr Chip chips, you know, the kind that arrives in that ‘bakkie’ with the haunting Mr Chip on the side. I dunno, something about a potato with a personality gives me the creeps. I have stumbled across one myself, but that was when I found the missing potato in the back of our cupboard. It was doing the “I’m a little green alien, watch me spout” act. Mildly entertaining, then it became boring.

Java has always been a place that serves a good cup of atmosphere. They have a great double-thick horlicks and honey milkshake and probably the best people watching space in Stellenbosch (apart from Cafe G.O.1). But that doesn’t pay the rent, and unfortunately they have had to dabble in selling something that gets passed off as food.

The waitress was fairly pleasant, we know her personally so no gripes there. Short, sharp and to the point. No hassling around with pleasantries, except some comments from my side on her recent performance in a play. “Two java burgers please” came the order. And swiftly she was off. After some banter our plates arrived. Perched on half of the fairly good roll, some mauled lettuce and a tomato slice. On the other half, a patty covered in something that had the texture of ox-blood (this coming from a regular ox-slaughterer). Slightly to the side, westward I believe, there was generous heaping of thin chips filled with air, and interspersed with more air. Oh, and some onion rings. In batter.

At first glance nothing noticeably wrong with anything. The sauce (unasked for, and unwanted) cleverly hides the perfectly round, perfectly flat patty that was to be my eternal pet hate. I do not want to eat a pre-fabricated patty. Should I want to do this I can go to Mcdonalds, Steers or any other fast food joint. I can even go to Checkers and buy a similar patty and make it myself. I do not want to eat that though, I want a beef patty that says, “I am beef, hear me Moo”. I do not want emulsifiers, pacifiers, preservatives or any of the other ridiculous chemicals and what-not that is included in pre-fab pattys. Most places can get past me by maybe just mulling the corners around a bit, maybe scrunching the patty up a bit, making it look less homogenous. Java did not even attempt this. It is a burger that is flat, perfectly round and without any character. It does not want my attention. In fact, I probably would not have noticed that it was peering at me if I was not hungry, or if I hadn’t need space for my elbows, which meant I needed to finish the damned thing so they could take my plate away, making space for the body part.

That deals with the burger/patty/frisbee. Java has never been known for its frittes. Today they had not planned on changing anything, except a slight chemical imbalance in my stomach. The chips are Mr Chip chips. Which is fine -maybe- and excusable -to some extent- when you are hungry and when the place is not one of the busiest places in Stellenbosch (ok, there is an argument to be made here, I know). In this case I felt short-changed. Even though I knew that this was what I was going to get, I still felt dissapointed. What strikes me as odd is that I do not recall having such a bad burger experience at Java before. If memory serves me correctly (which hasn’t been a reliable statement lately), previous burgers were of a good nature, slightly solid patty, still mediocre chips. It could have to do with the burger being camera shy, as this was the first time that it was asked to pose. Perhaps the demi-gods of Stellenbosch cuisine had decided that I shall not be on the receiving end of their good faith and I shall be ill-fated and condemned into munching down on chemicals and breadcrumbs, with the odd bite of fresh air just for good measure.

Java is still one of my favourite places to visit though. It has a great atmosphere and for an after-cycle coffee, nothing beats it. The owner has been known to be a bit of an idiot, some friends have had run-ins with him that ended up in him saying “Well, leave. Look how busy it is, I don’t need your business.” That sucks a bit. On the other hand, I’ve had friends who have had pleasant run-ins with the waitresses that ended up in her saying “Well, I’ll leave, but my number is 0824546352.” So it goes both ways. My advice would be to stay away from their burgers. I’ve had a pleasant experience with a pasta before, and the Thai chicken salad always treats me nicely.

All in all, a 4 out of 10, and that’s only for atmosphere.
And that isn’t her real number, so don’t bother.

-Uno De Waal

La Perla, Sea Point

Another guest article by Niel:

La Perla has been around for ages, riding up and down on the fickle favour of the Cape restaurant crowd without disappearing from the radar. Apparently, it’s very “in” right now. Which is odd, because nothing has changed. Nothing much at all, in fact, over the last decade at least, one feels.

Yes, La Perla is an Italian restaurant, its feel dictated by a mix between retro décor and a good old fancy restaurant vibes.

Our waiter had these lines in his face and a knowing moustache that made it clear he has worked there for years and years. Which was nice. It’s lived in, you know? Not some “oh, we’re all about the industrial ceilings with pipes and air vents” with imported poppie waiters and Indian beer and Finnish cutlery and all that mumbo jumbo.

Clearly, it’s a food venue.

And about that food… it checked all the boxes for shizzy.

La Perla has a good reputation for fish. They serve three different dishes for every fish on the menu, with different sauces and preparation, so it takes some time to make a selection. I settled on a sole with creamy white-wine and prawn sauce.

The first thing you notice is that the menu wasn’t screwing you over. You will find no less than a full steaming plate of fish with plenty of vegetables to go around, as well as a not-petite side plate with your choice of chips, rice or more vegetables. Fantastic.

The sole was divine. Not because it taught me new things about fish or had my tongue doing some kind of flavour Olympics, but because it was just plain lekker. It was smooth, well prepared, aromatic and full-flavoured, the kind of food that makes you close your eyes.

The bar shook us up a decent cocktail, but for the most, we were drinking a very suitable Delheim 2003 Merlot.

As for price: don’t forget your wallet. We paid a not-too-ridiculous (for a high-end special night out) R350 for two people, including the wine and cocktail. It was a hundred percent worth it, and I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend La Perla to anyone who wants to splash out on a memorable dinner.

The Cape Colony at The Mount Nelson

 

This is the first in a series of guest blogging. Today our special guest blogger is Niel who runs the blog over at We Like Texture. He also happens to be a good friend and all-round cool guy.

Yes. Reviewing the Mount Nelson is like dusting off your old copy of Oliver Twist or War and Peace for a fireside reread. The Cape Colony, after all, is an establishment with history.

Anyway, that matters fuck-all to us, what with all the newer, mouth-watering eating destinations in Cape Town. Uh huh, the restaurant is geared just the slightest bit towards the tourist crowd, as you can tell from the huge colonial mural (complete with very un-PC black servant boys in the foreground) and get this, leopard print upholstery on the large benched seating in the middle of the restaurant. But everyone can appreciate a bit of show, some silver cutlery, and huge, huge glasses for your red vine juice.

And everyone likes a good meal.

We had a Franschoek Merlot to drink – one that I would recommend to anyone who has a passing interest in mine (passing being the most sophistication I can self-attach here). I commited the unforgivable faux pas of not bothering to taste the wine before allowing the waitress to pour. How arrogant is it for me to taste the wine for corkage or imperfections on the palate when I probably couldn’t taste the difference anyway.

Still, Le Manoir de Brendal, Merlot 2003, is some seriously ass-kicking red, for what it’s worth. My company agreed.

The food. Ah, that. The Mount Nelson is pretty dependable to deliver fine meat dishes, and so on. You will not, however, have screaming tongue orgasms from their kitchen works, as you might when in Haiku, or Ginja. (Editors note: Haiku is crap)

I ordered the seared tuna, and was surprised to receive it moulded, in the Nouveau tradition, I presume, like canned dog food. Yup, it was a solid meat cylinder, with sauce on the side. Hilarious. Anyway, with the little sauce provided it was enjoyable enough, though that soon run out and then I found it a bit salty and… plain. In any event, The Cape Colony’s seared tuna can’t hold up a fin to that of Ginja, but it is a solid main course, not a train smash by any standards.

Dessert was extremely decadent sundae, which I couldn’t finish for its richness. I’m quite a glutton, so perhaps the sweet-chef hadn’t gotten it quite right this time.

What is there to be said about this Cape Classic, the old Champ? Perhaps a bit slow on its feet. The Mount Nelson’s Cape Colony might have to explore some new flavours if it wants to keep up with the new kids on the block.

And oh ja: it’s fucken expensive.

Fat Alberts Burger Review

Ok, seeing as the other team is taking their time posting anything about our previous burger experience, I’ll step in. Myself and two other friends were sitting at Vida and contemplating things such as life, the universe and good coffee. Naturally the discussion would then veer towards good food as well, something that the universe and life is based on. We started talking about the review site, and the current plan of reviewing burgers, the series supposedly known as the Burger-Off (which is meant to be pronounced Bugger-Off if I get my way). There had still been many a place that we had not yet visited, which meant we should probably start getting going. We promptly got up and left our seats, missioning on down Long street (yes, much to K’s dismay we decided on walking, you get a much better view of city, and it was something that I hadn’t done in quite a while.) We found ourself here:

None other than Fat Alberts. Fat Alberts was suggested by S as a new place to check out. They, apparently, have gourmet burgers and a good selection of wine. While we didn’t entertain the thought of wine at this occasion, maybe next time we stumble in we’ll give the winelist a shot. The menu was somewhat a bit devoid of options I feel. They had the standard burgers, a few with cheese (one even called a Royale.. bad move, you don’t want to remind customers of other people’s burgers), some bacon here and there. Nothing too fancy about that. What suprised me was that they had a duck burger and one or two other exotic items on the menu. This is where things sort of started going a bit pearshaped. A burger is a burger is a burger. As soon as you deviate from the buns and patty, it no longer becomes a burger. It falls into a new category, but a bun and some leaves featuring a duck patty doeth not make a burger. Maybe this was there attempt at “gourmet” burger.

Me liking spicy food, ordered the Mexican/spicy burger, S ordered a plain with fresh avo and no basting (He’s a purist remember) and K ordered a plain chicken burger. I like that they give you a choice of 3 different buns, even though I wouldn’t suggest having a rye bun. I mean seriously now, why? Once again, refer to the previous mentioned part of what a burger should be. And then the food arrives!

Presentation was very good. I love the square black plates and the entire composition of the plate is well balanced. The portions of chips and wedges are also very generous. So then comes the first bite… The first thing that strikes you is that they haven’t fried the onions that they’ve made the patties with. It gives it a slightly tinged taste, and on taking a second bite I recalled what the patty tasted like… I have an idea that the basting has something to do with this as well… At every cycling race, and every hockey match I’ve been to there have always been those small Oom Salie se Burgers foodstalls. This was a patty straight from that book. Don’t take me wrong, I like those patties, but not when I’m paying R45 for it! Or when I expect something brilliant. This just made it taste cheap. I could taste some Spur in there as well. Ugh. The chilli-quacamole that come with had a great taste to it. I do think that this probably saved the burger from being a complete disaster. The foilage accompanying added some value, but could perhaps have been done without. On to the chips, or the Mr Chips. Wind filled bags of air. Absolutely shocking! I can’t believe a place that puts itself to be gourmet would even THINK of buying pre-cut chips. The wedges were a nice size and well cooked. The spicing on them was great as well. The condiments were a bit of a waste, and seemingly cheap as well. On the left, Sweet Chilli, middle, something resembling mayo, right, tomato.

The mayo was a serious disappointment. When it originally came out of the bottle I thought it to be sour cream as it had the same consistency. But nope, that’s some very

bad rendition of mayo.

Finito!

Atmosphere I could recommend Fat Alberts as a nice environment to be in. When we arrived we had the option of sitting streetside, in the main section or the courtyard in the back. Each area looking quite inviting. We decided to sit street front as Short Market is quite buzzing that time of the day. The waiters were very friendly, maybe lacking a bit of personality, but that’s something that some people like and others don’t. When we wanted to order a second round of drinks they told us that they had run out of Coke. What kind of restaurant runs out of Coke? How does this happen? Would I go there again? No I doubt it. It was a nice experience, but nothing great. There are much better environments to be in, where you also end up paying R45 for a burger, but it has a much higher quality. There isn’t that much to take away from it. Except that it really wasn’t awe inspiring. The fact they they call themselves a gourmet burger restaurant might need to take some review… There wasn’t that much gourmet behind their burgers. A good gourmet restaurant has gourmet burgers as their main menu list, not as a secondary listing (under the “Extra specials”).

A 6 out of 10.

Altitude, only from drinks.

Late night, talking to strangers, meeting new people, fighting with the ol’ ball and chain, drinking cheaply from your friends bar-tab, playing foosball without seeing the ball. The night nears it’s culminating point and renders you ever-so-restful and mildly inebriated. Burger-pies become a quest and the quest becomes unaccomplished. You settle for a pepper-steak pie and a lengthy conversation in the back seat of a 1995 c-class mercedes benz. The night, instead of culminating, ends quickly. The culminating point was unfortunately only a dream and never materialised. However, the night was large and requires lots of sleep.

Nine hours later and a rather alien feel in your head. It feels like you have been raped by a lightning bolt and the only option is to turn around with your head squashed into your pillow and try to compile memories of the Orgy, o wait! The culminating point was only a dream, I meant, you try to compile memories of your journey to intoxication.

Once regaining the ability to walk, and feel, you suddenly have the urge to devour your best friends leg, imagining a mushroom sauce and potato wedges accompanying the “meal”. You settle for a burger at, Altitude, Stellenbosch.

I have portrayed the mood I was in before ordering my burger from Altitude.

Now, lets get something straight. Burgers are not supposed to be fast food and are not supposed to be viewed as junk food unless you are ordering from a fast food franchise. If a Restaurant claims to have good burgers and are willing to punt them, regardless of the effect it might have on their image, they better make sure it is damn good.
For some reason, many restaurants really think that if you throw potato wedges and slap on a fancy piece of bread, that it would redeem the status of a gourmet burger. This is not the case!!

Let me get to the point and critically detail my experience at altitude, whilst expecting a good burger and seriously in dire need of one.

So, upon arrival I thought “not bad”, the newly extended bar-front with a view overlooking the street was genuinely appealing and is a great place to have a cocktail. It provides for serious people-watching and a relaxing mindset overwhelmed by enormous oak-trees. Cars and bikes buzzing past and students walking. My circumstances called for a coffee, a cafe latte to be precise, for my friend an americano. Coffee is a very delicate beverage and the making thereof should not be taken for granted, you can bitch and scream all you want, but it is not that easy to make a good cup of coffee. I am not interested in evaluating the coffee, because I was there for the food and the quality of coffee or the lack of skills pertaining to the making of coffee was not of my concern just then. All I can say with regards to the coffee is, rather have a soft drink. Who puts milk in an Americano anyway?

So I ordered my burger, the standard with avocado (which is provided on the menu as a ‘topping’), for my friend a standard burger with blue cheese and for my girlfriend a standard with avocado. Wow, was the hunger sinking in at this point! Sipping on my “coffee” and gazing over the people and cars, I awaited my food. I noticed on the menu that the burgers are served on focaccia. I am not fond of burgers that are shit and are compensated for by slapping on a fancy piece of bread. A burger, should after all be a burger.

Mine was late. Uno’s as well as Zalta’s burgers arrived. Unfortunately to my dismay, they were not what I had envisioned. The burgers were flooded! YES, flooded. Flooded with sauce, the toppings were sauces! Bottled sauces I bet. The focaccia, semi-toasted and topped with herbs was exactly what I was afraid of receiving. Uno seemed to enjoy his, but he eats anything. I immediately turned to the owner and requested that my “late” arrival be freed from the suffocation by avocado dip. It was not guacamole. I received mine, minutes later I wanted to reach for greener pastures but I was faced with reality, the reality was that I was hungry and this was what I was going to consume. The mediocre patty fried in basting reminded me of something I once ate at the Spur when I was a kid. It was edible but for two thirds of the price I would have been just as satisfied, if not more so, if I had ordered a burger from Steers. From what I witnessed the sauce had totally destroyed the focaccia on Zalta’s plate, almost consuming it, making it one of its own. It was a burger patty smothered in avocado/bread sauce, don’t forget the basting. I ate just enough to cure my hunger and had resisted the rest, rather easily.

It is obvious from here on out that my very subjective and extreme cynical view on restaurants may not be fair to the industry, but is that not what criticism is all about? Providing exactly that, Criticism?

In fact, I do not even think that it is fair that I deliver my comments on this restaurant just yet, seeing as they are undergoing renovations and that circumstances might not have favoured them, and that circumstances indeed favoured that of negative criticism. Hence, it is vital for you to perceive what I have written in that light. I am sure that this restaurant is also not planning to place itself on the map of gourmet restaurants and will probably tend toward the student lifestyle. Situated next a restaurant such as Wijnhuis with rave reviews, it is a pity. However, Stellenbosch remains a town overwhelmed by students and it best suits economic/financial needs to service the students. Hooray.

Defamation, NO! Opinion, YES!

- Stefano Sessa

Technorati Tags: Altitude, Burgers, Foccacia, Gourmet, Restaurants, Stellenbosch