Fat Alberts Burger Review

Ok, seeing as the other team is taking their time posting anything about our previous burger experience, I’ll step in. Myself and two other friends were sitting at Vida and contemplating things such as life, the universe and good coffee. Naturally the discussion would then veer towards good food as well, something that the universe and life is based on. We started talking about the review site, and the current plan of reviewing burgers, the series supposedly known as the Burger-Off (which is meant to be pronounced Bugger-Off if I get my way). There had still been many a place that we had not yet visited, which meant we should probably start getting going. We promptly got up and left our seats, missioning on down Long street (yes, much to K’s dismay we decided on walking, you get a much better view of city, and it was something that I hadn’t done in quite a while.) We found ourself here:

None other than Fat Alberts. Fat Alberts was suggested by S as a new place to check out. They, apparently, have gourmet burgers and a good selection of wine. While we didn’t entertain the thought of wine at this occasion, maybe next time we stumble in we’ll give the winelist a shot. The menu was somewhat a bit devoid of options I feel. They had the standard burgers, a few with cheese (one even called a Royale.. bad move, you don’t want to remind customers of other people’s burgers), some bacon here and there. Nothing too fancy about that. What suprised me was that they had a duck burger and one or two other exotic items on the menu. This is where things sort of started going a bit pearshaped. A burger is a burger is a burger. As soon as you deviate from the buns and patty, it no longer becomes a burger. It falls into a new category, but a bun and some leaves featuring a duck patty doeth not make a burger. Maybe this was there attempt at “gourmet” burger.

Me liking spicy food, ordered the Mexican/spicy burger, S ordered a plain with fresh avo and no basting (He’s a purist remember) and K ordered a plain chicken burger. I like that they give you a choice of 3 different buns, even though I wouldn’t suggest having a rye bun. I mean seriously now, why? Once again, refer to the previous mentioned part of what a burger should be. And then the food arrives!

Presentation was very good. I love the square black plates and the entire composition of the plate is well balanced. The portions of chips and wedges are also very generous. So then comes the first bite… The first thing that strikes you is that they haven’t fried the onions that they’ve made the patties with. It gives it a slightly tinged taste, and on taking a second bite I recalled what the patty tasted like… I have an idea that the basting has something to do with this as well… At every cycling race, and every hockey match I’ve been to there have always been those small Oom Salie se Burgers foodstalls. This was a patty straight from that book. Don’t take me wrong, I like those patties, but not when I’m paying R45 for it! Or when I expect something brilliant. This just made it taste cheap. I could taste some Spur in there as well. Ugh. The chilli-quacamole that come with had a great taste to it. I do think that this probably saved the burger from being a complete disaster. The foilage accompanying added some value, but could perhaps have been done without. On to the chips, or the Mr Chips. Wind filled bags of air. Absolutely shocking! I can’t believe a place that puts itself to be gourmet would even THINK of buying pre-cut chips. The wedges were a nice size and well cooked. The spicing on them was great as well. The condiments were a bit of a waste, and seemingly cheap as well. On the left, Sweet Chilli, middle, something resembling mayo, right, tomato.

The mayo was a serious disappointment. When it originally came out of the bottle I thought it to be sour cream as it had the same consistency. But nope, that’s some very

bad rendition of mayo.

Finito!

Atmosphere I could recommend Fat Alberts as a nice environment to be in. When we arrived we had the option of sitting streetside, in the main section or the courtyard in the back. Each area looking quite inviting. We decided to sit street front as Short Market is quite buzzing that time of the day. The waiters were very friendly, maybe lacking a bit of personality, but that’s something that some people like and others don’t. When we wanted to order a second round of drinks they told us that they had run out of Coke. What kind of restaurant runs out of Coke? How does this happen? Would I go there again? No I doubt it. It was a nice experience, but nothing great. There are much better environments to be in, where you also end up paying R45 for a burger, but it has a much higher quality. There isn’t that much to take away from it. Except that it really wasn’t awe inspiring. The fact they they call themselves a gourmet burger restaurant might need to take some review… There wasn’t that much gourmet behind their burgers. A good gourmet restaurant has gourmet burgers as their main menu list, not as a secondary listing (under the “Extra specials”).

A 6 out of 10.